You probably don’t ever want to buy anything from this mob.

Quoth the EULA:

14. Audit.  During the term of this Agreement and for three (3) years after termination or expiration, Licensee will maintain complete records regarding Licensee’s use and distribution of the Software.  Upon reasonable notice to you, PreEmptive may audit, at PreEmptive’s expense, Licensee’s books and records to determine Licensee’s compliance hereunder.  In the event any such audit reveals that Licensee has underpaid PreEmptive by an amount greater than five percent (5%) of the amounts due PreEmptive in the period being audited, or that Licensee has knowingly breached any obligation hereunder, then, in addition to such other remedies as PreEmptive may have, Licensee shall pay or reimburse to PreEmptive for the cost of the audit.

Synergise; multitasking; emotional leakage; wow factor; goal-oriented; big picture; long-term; tip of the iceberg; go the extra mile; resource constrained; multidisciplinary; tee-up; total quality management; work breakdown structure; think outside the box; workshop; push the envelope;synergistic; powerpoint presentation; mentoring; incentivise; holistic; cradle-to-grave approach; project manager; team leader.

This list demonstrates why I have always had an insanely strong abhorrence of the business world. Of course, money hungry wankers in Gucci ties, Armani skirts and a chip on their shoulder are a great deterrent; however, they are most likely the people to be spouting this dribble and getting away with it.

My personal most hated is ‘wow factor’. Ouch. If something has wow factor, I probably don’t want anything to do with it. It probably involves Adobe Flash or a presentation at a conference or networking. I understand the value of all of this crud to the people involved, and I get why they speak and act this way. I just wish the world wasn’t such a capitalist suck hole.

Seriously, I think that I am going to take off to a deserted area (preferably an island with lovely clear water) and write books by hand and wear fisherman pants with a torn shirt. I would very much like to escape all talk of money and stuff and things and material. I went on a trek in Thailand last year, and stayed with a tribe in the hills near Burma. They had a water system hooked up through the village that was masterful yet so simple, and they were eating the most wonderful, fresh food. The kids were happy, playing in the dirt and mud looking gleeful, and there were animals all about, including the pig I ate for dinner in my stir fry. I told some people about this experience and they screwed up their noses and said I was mental for enjoying it. Each to their own, I guess, but boy, are they missing out.

Anyhew, that was an unexpected and ungraceful rant against ‘the man’, spurned by the business speak that I despise. Check out the site below and see some other poor people’s most hated. It is semi-comforting to know there are others out there, across the globe, wishing to drop out like I want to.

“50 office speak phrases you love to hate” UK News Magazine

I discovered a terrifying new creep in the scope of the Government’s proposed Internet Censorship recently.

It seems our Mandarin-speaking overlord has quite the hard-on for a particularly nasty brand of religiofascism that we all really, really need to nip in the bud.

Please consider doing as many of these as you can:

• Write to Senator Conroy
• Write to your local member
• Call Conroy
• Contact your ISP
• Sign a petition
• Join/Donate to EFA
• Link to nocleanfeed.com

Confused? So am I. I had to use an internet translator to make my title into gobbly-gook bullshit that only a teenager or speed freak could comprehend. I don’t understand text language, and I feel that attempting to learn would only make me less intelligent and innately worthless to society. Not only do we have America trying to get us to say ‘zee’ instead of ‘zed’ on children’s television, we (decent members of the community who appreciate the English language and its beauty) now have to contend with a new generation that thinks it is cool to speak and write like they have severe brain damage.

I have been pretty adept at avoiding this trend. My primary contact has been through my 12 year old niece when we chat on Pidgin. At times I laugh; at others, I correct her furiously and attempt to get her to read some Roald Dahl or JK Rowling. Recently, however, one of my arenas of solace has been vehemently attacked and has succumbed to such terrible language it makes me want to sob. I have penned an open letter to the Triple J News team to vent.

Dear All Concerned,

Triple J News team, why hast thou forsaken me? Why must you turn overseas into ‘OS’? Why has afternoon become ‘arvo’? Why must juvenile detention be referred to as ‘juvie’? I used to forgive you and make a game of it when you fumbled through your news items, making on average four mistakes per bulletin. I would count them in a loving manner and think about how I would probably make more. But this? How can I possibly forgive this?

I really believe that you have underestimated your audience and given into some kind of terrible trend that will ruin us all. I understand that you are a hip station that has your finger on the pulse, but surely keeping up does not involve whoring yourself out to poor language skills that appeal to mindless drones during the news break. Yes, during other programmes this is mildly acceptable. I can handle it when Rosie or Dools and Linda use a few colloquialisms. But when I want to know what is happening around the nation and the globe, I do not want to be told that “OS, Britt Lapthorne’s body has been discovered” or “a teenager has been sentenced to 13 months in juvie”.  Please fix this abomination Triple J News team. Please.

Yours Sincerely

A concerned and pained citizen.

*For those of you who care about decent English, my title is ‘Triple J has decided that the only way to keep an audience is to assume that we ar all zombies and condescend the fuck out of us. I object’!

I don’t have a particular affinity with many material goods, and I don’t care for gadgets or ’stuff’. Every now and then though, I purchase or am given a material possession that blows my mind. The last was a pepper grinder given to me by my then room mate, and that was over 2 years ago. Best. Kitchen gadget. Ever.

I had a pretty craptastic few days last week, and after one that was mind-blowingly woeful I arrived home to discover these babies on the bed waiting for me. Good ol’ reliable Dan had come to the rescue again.

My reaction? I cried like a little bitch. What can I say, I have a lot of emotions.

I don’t need food or family or friends or my car or a house. I just need these sweet babies, a pair of black opaques and a good concert. I guess I wouldn’t turn my nose up at some absinthe. My ability to be disgustingly shallow at times astounds me.

Chuck Taylor All Star 'Electronics'

As you all know, Dan is the geek and I am the stylish, sophisticated half of the partnership who demonstrates her intelligence by whining and drinking too much. Basically, I am a giant noob. Well, as of late even this giant noob has been schooled in the wonders of the Free software world. I like my lessons to be kept simple and I like my teachers to speak in an intelligent yet non-condescending manner. Dan has been doing a really good job of this; his patience astounds me.

But even Dan can’t compete with Stephen Fry.

Watch the video and enjoy.

http://www.gnu.org/fry/

…to either Dryden Strange or Ace Wild. These are real people I met. They have the best names ever. I think I am leaning towards Ace Wild. Any ideas?

You might notice there’s a new button in our footer. Here it is again if you can’t be arsed scrolling.

From their FAQ:

Q: What is Class B?
A: Class B is currently the optimal no-www compliance level. This classification helps remind users that, while the www subdomain is accepted, it is not necessary. In Class B, www.example.net is a valid address, but it redirects all traffic to example.net.

So, uh, yeah. You know we’re right.

I was poking around System.Data with Reflector today and this line appears in SqlTransaction.Dispose():

if (!this.IsZombied && !this.IsYukonPartialZombie)

Can anyone tell me what a YukonPartialZombie is?

I am consistently surprised at the idiotic things people say and do. Just when I feel a little comfortable that perhaps everyone around me isn’t a complete douche I am slapped in the face with another example of complete moronic behaviour. I guess it keeps me on my toes, and certainly holds complacency at bay.

Last night my lovely partner and I decided to do a very couple-type-thing and have dinner before catching a flick. It certainly helped that we were both jumping out of our skins to see ‘The Dark Knight’. Risotto and pasta started the night (fantabulously tasty) and afterwards we walked to the cinema full of child-like anticipation. All of the excitement was multiplied when we got pushed to the front of the queue because we had purchased the tickets online. We were seriously VIP and I was forced to do a little wanker-style dance to celebrate the occasion (no, this was not the idiocy that forced me awake to the realities of the world, although I am sure other people had that reaction)!

The movie was magnificent. Everything about it blew my mind. The acting, the composition (musically and visually), the story. I think that perhaps this film gave me the strongest physical reaction I have had since watching ‘Irreversible’. It built and built until I was feeling seriously tense, however I love that it did that to me. I would class it as in my top three so far this year.

To the moment that I cannot rise above. There were four girls sitting behind us talking incessantly throughout the movie. Every now and then I would look at them grumpy old woman style and they would cease the chatter but inevitably it continued. Luckily the film was so I good I could mostly ignore them.

Two hours into ‘The Dark Knight’ the Joker mentioned Gotham. One of the girls behind me asked her friend “Who is Gotham”? I repeat, “WHO IS GOTHAM”?

I like to blame this phenomenon on the fact that Heath Ledger was a sex symbol and many people may attend this film without any knowledge of the story itself, simply to catch a glimpse of him. But holy hell, how can one not know the name Gotham and what Gotham is? Did she grow up in a hovel?

I weep for our children and their lack of knowledge.